June 2, 2006

• It's 4 am and I'm awake. Bean went down for a nap around 5 yesterday afternoon, and was out for the count. The night before the same thing happened, but at 7 pm. We woke her up around 9ish and all she wanted to do was sleep. So last night I decided to go to bed at 9. I had been tired all afternoon, but I had a hard time falling asleep. Eventually I did, probably around 10. My husband said she'd probably wake up at 5 or 6, but it wasn't quite 4 when she gave up on sleeping. I had just woken up myself and was adjusting in the bed. I heard Bean chattering quietly about something, and when I leaned in I caught, "stuck in a iceberg." What was stuck in an iceberg, I wanted to know. "A penguin was, a baby penguin. Penguin is a bird, it has black and white on it." Eventually I realized she might be thinking of Wonderpets. Sure enough, a few minutes later, she asked to go downstairs and watch the show, saying she didn't want to "go to bed."

  I had fairly vivid dreams. I've been having them for the last few days. My dreams are often very detailed, but sometimes they are more a mass of impressions. The last three days I've had lots of dreams that I've remembered upon waking; dreams that involved different people in a variety of clothing and with different looks. This morning's dream had me waiting in a line to get a drink of some sort. As I moved into the line, some other people came up and stood to my left and the line branched off in that direction so that it looked like I was not in line, but trying to cut. I let a woman go in front of me, but then I tried to move up and the other people wouldn't let me. It seemed like there were a lot of middle-aged women, but I remembered this one woman with blondish wavy hair wearing a white dress with fuschia floral designs outlined in black. There was another woman in a more subdued type of pink, a mauve color combined with gray. Eventually I got to advance in the line after being a little forceful, but many people had already gone by. Then a younger woman started to talk to me about a check I had written for a book that had bounced "all over the place". I apologized and said I didn't know how that had happened as my account has overdraft protection, and my bank hadn't notified me of any problems. She told me again that it had bounced and caused problems in her account. I apologized again.

  Then something was coming down from the ceiling through the acoustical tiles, so we moved out of the line. Well, I didn't, I just got dripped on. I finally moved away and the man selling the drinks asked who was next. I said I was, and got my drink. Then I was over at a hot food counter and Bug's kindergarten teacher was there. Exact same voice and face. I was sounding demoralized and bought a slice of pizza for me and my mother, who had been waiting all this time for me in a booth somewhere. She felt sorry for me, so she offered me a carton of cigarettes. I said no but hesitated a bit because I know cartons of cigarettes are expensive. She said, "No, really, what kind would you like? Kool Lights?" I said sure. She gave me a carton of Kool Light 100s, and it was a light green and white box. I took everything over to the booth where my mom was sitting, and there was a big cigarette carton display thing like we used to have at 7-Eleven when I worked there. I started to put the cigarettes in there, but then decided I could probably sell them somewhere.

  I don't know what any of this has to do with anything, but I'm wondering if the cigarettes being pushed on me was from some discussions about formula samples being pressed on new mothers in the hospital. I got very few samples of things like formula and prenatal vitamins from doctors, and I kept them around because I thought they

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